English Class 学习英语

Lesson One 第一课：

Lesson Two 第二课：

Who Needs Diapers 谁需要尿布？

This photo gets my vote for "The Photo of the Year" award.

Crazy, Not Stupid 神经，可是不笨

One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to a mental hospital.

He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to leave the premises. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.

When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.

As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic. 

One patient happened to walk by and he asked the driver what happened.Since there's nothing much he can do, the driver told the patient the whole incident.

The patient laughed at him and said: "You can't even fix such a simple problem? No wonder you are destined to be a truck driver." 

"Here's what you can do: take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres, and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones. It is as easy as that."

The driver was very impressed and asked: "You're so smart! Then why are you here at the mental hospital?"

The patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy, not stupid. OK?!"

We Aim to Please

在男厕看到一则以清洁工友语气写的告示：
This notice is seen in the male toilet:

We aim to please,
You aim too, please.

自动冲水厕所 Automatic Flushing Toilet

亲爱的自动冲水厕所，感激你的热情尽责。。但是我还没办完事呢。

苏格兰农夫：善有善报 Good Begets Good - Scottish Farmer

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog.

Sir Alexander Fleming

There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.

'I want to repay you,' said the nobleman. 'You saved my son's life.'

'No, I can't accept payment for what I did,' the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.

'Is that your son?' the nobleman asked.

'Yes,' the farmer replied proudly.

'I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of.' And that he did.

Sir Winston Churchill

Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.

What saved his life this time? Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill .. His son's name?

Sir Winston Churchill.

时代不同了 This Time is Different

问与答：Q&A:

How did you manage to stay together for 65 years???
你们是如何能够在一起生活65年这么久？？？
We are from a time where if something is broken we fix it, not throw it away.
我们那个时代，东西坏了就只想到要修补，而不是扔掉。

超市所见！In the Supermarket

关于工作！ About Jobs

It is all about Jobs in America!

Bill Gates Says 盖茨智慧语

盖茨说：

我爱找懒人来做困难的工作，因为他总会找简单途径。

I Have to Sack My Secretary 我開除女秘書的原因

我這秘書可真貼心啊 ! 但是，我把她開除了，原因 ----

兩個禮拜之前，是我45歲的生日。

那天早上，我的心情還不錯。

我想，吃早餐的時候，我老婆一定會高興的跟我說生日快樂，搞不好，還會準備一個禮物送我呢！結果她不但沒有跟我說生日快樂，就連"早安"也沒一句。

我想: 算了，老婆就是這樣！可能小孩还會記得吧。結果，小孩來吃早餐的時候，也是什麼都沒說。

等我到公司的時候，我已經覺得滿沮喪的了。

當我要走進辦公室的時候，我的秘書珍娜對我說：早安阿，老闆，生日快樂！我頓時覺得好一點，至少還有人記得。

工作到了中午，珍娜敲敲我的門，說：你知道嗎？今天天氣不錯，而且又是你的生日，不如到外面用餐吧，就我跟你。

我說：这是我今天聽到最好聽的話，走吧！

我們沒有到我們平常用餐的地方，反而去了郊外一個比較私人的地方。

我們點了兩杯馬丁尼，好好的享受這頓午餐。

在回去的路上，珍娜說：今天真的是美好的一天。我想，我們不一定要回去公司吧?我說：我想不用吧。

她說：那，不如去我家吧！

到了她家之後，她說：老闆，如果你不介意，我想到房間換件比較舒服的衣服。

當然！我興奮的說。於是她進去房間。

六分鐘之後，她拿了一個大生日蛋糕出來。Surprise!!

接著走出來的是我太太，小孩以及一群朋友，全部唱著「生日快樂」歌。

而我則坐在沙發上 ............  

一絲不掛！

西洋换衣秀 Magic Clothes Change!

How they did it?

 

A Child Who Can See Perfectly in the Dark!

A boy has stunned medics with his ability to see in pitch black with eyes that glow in the dark. 

Doctors have studied Nong Youhui's amazing eyesight since his dad took him to hospital in Dahua, southern China, concerned over his bright blue eyes.

Dad Ling said: "They told me he would grow out of it and that his eyes would stop glowing and turn black like most Chinese people but they never did."

Medical tests conducted in complete darkness show Youhui can read perfectly without any light and sees as clearly as most people do during the day.

Never Under-estimate a Chinese

A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank.. He produces the title and everything checks out.

The Loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. 

Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000? The Chinese replies: 'Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there safely when I return.'   

Never laugh at a Chinese!   

男人的头脑 Man's Brain

地球暖化的明证 Positive Proof of Global Warming

Here is the concrete proof..........

Windows and Gates

Interesting conversation:

最危险的英文字母 The most Dangerous English Language Alphabet

Which is the most Dangerous English Language Alphabet ?? 
  
Answer "W"... It is tension generator... 
  
   because all the worries get initiated with "W"... 
  
Who?? Why? 

What?When? 
  
Which??Whom?? 
  
Where?? 
  
War... 
Wine...Whisky... Women... 
  
  
And finally   ...
  
  
  
Believe it or not   .......... 
  
  
WIFE!

老人不好欺 DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99. 

'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs...' 

'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her. 

'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously. 

'YES!' stated the waitress... 

'I'll take the special then,' my wife said...

'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.

 'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.

She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.

DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!  WE'VE been around the block more than once!