你被爱的时候 When You Are Loved .........

A popular joke in China (一個中国国内的笑話)

If a woman loves you, that makes you a "husband".
如一個女人愛你，你是丈夫；

If a few women love you, that makes you a "MAN".
如幾個女人愛你，你是男人；

If over a dozen women love you, that makes you a "Crooked Official".
如十幾個女人愛你，你是貪官； 

If a hundred women love you, that makes you a "Star".
如一百個女人愛你，你是偶像；

If a thousand women love you, that makes you a "Hero".
如一千個女人愛你，你是英雄； 

If ten thousand women love you, that makes you a "Leader".
如一萬個女人愛你，你是領袖；

If all the women in China love you, that makes you "Renminbi $$$".
如全中国的女人都愛你，那你就是"人民幣"了！

WHERE DO YOU STAND?
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提款机 The ATM Machine

At the gym, the following conversation was heard:

An older man, not in the best physical condition, asked the trainer:

 

"I want to impress that beautiful girl over there. Which machine should I use?"

The trainer replied: "Use the ATM machine outside the gym."

买卖希望 Selling Hope

Young teenager Kevin moved to Texas and bought a horse from a farmer for U$100. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day.

The next day he drove up and said : "So sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The horse died."

Kevin replied : "Well, then just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Kevin said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse." The farmer asked :  "What are you going to do with it?"

Kevin said : "I'm going to raffle him off." The farmer said :  "You can't raffle off a dead horse!" Kevin said : "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later, the farmer met up with Kevin and asked : "What happened with that dead horse?"

Kevin said : "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a net profit of U$998.00."

The farmer said : "Didn't anyone complain?"

Kevin said : "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

Kevin grew up and now works for the government.

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